Chapter 177 – Historically Memorable Villainy Arc
“Those army provisions… how did you gather them…?” Song Rong asked.
Song Rong took a deep breath. He lifted a hand to touch Lu Li’s shoulder and tried hard to make his tone seem relaxed and light, but as soon as he opened his mouth, he couldn’t help making a choked and nasal sound.
His question hung in the air. There was no response.
Lu Li’s clear eyes were like glass. They looked at him quietly, without joy or anger. His gaze was calm, as if waiting for some predetermined judgment.
The emotions in his chest suddenly surged so much that he couldn’t control himself. Song Rong couldn’t hold back any longer. He pulled the other man’s thin body into his arms. He wanted to wrap his arms around Lu Li tightly, but he was afraid of hurting him. His chest heaved rapidly and his warm breath fanned across Lu Li’s wan cheek. His vision was already becoming blurry with tears.
What was Lu Li’s emotional state like back then? How desperate and aggrieved he must have felt when he was not allowed to have an audience with the emperor no matter how long he knelt, when he pleaded to the point of exhaustion, vomited blood, and fainted, and when he did his utmost to scrape together the life-saving rations for the army, but feared the amount would not be enough so he stuffed the delivery wagons full with whatever other foodstuff he could find.
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And in the end, he finally understood that being a loyal minister who dared to speak frankly before the emperor simply did not have the power to influence the muddle-headed emperor’s beliefs, and no power to change the decadence of the court.
He still remembered the first time he met Lu Li. The young zhuangyuan* was parading through the streets on horseback, full of aspirations and ethics.
[*T/N: 状元 zhuangyuan – top scorer in the palace examination / highest rank of the Imperial examination system]
During those three days when he knelt before the palace gates, Lu Li’s soul had actually already died.
What survived was just a wandering soul, a wandering soul that has given up on the ethics he was raised and educated on, given up on his upright and unyielding character, and given up on the very foundations of his person.
Thereupon, he submerged himself completely into the mud, and no longer cared about having a lasting good reputation.
The body in his arms suddenly trembled and went rigid. Song Rong’s chest clenched and he lowered his gaze.
Tears finally fell silently from those clear and cold eyes that seemed to remain forever unmoved.
“Qing Guang…”
Holding his breath and stroking the cold water on his cheek, Song Rong’s voice was hoarse and his tone was almost pleading: “Don’t hold it back, it’s okay, there is no one else here…”
“I’m not the one crying.”
Su Shi knew that Song Rong would catch on to any clue leaked at this point and follow it to figure out everything. Then the favorable situation that he had worked so hard for would be lost.
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Su Shi spoke in a hesitant voice. He clenched the other person’s clothes tightly and tried his best to restrain his overly strong emotions, but was still unable to do so.
He was not the one crying. It was this body that was crying.
His heart was palpitating hard. His chest felt stuffy. Every inch of his body was overwhelmed by intense pain, and a chill settled over him silently like a ghost.
The cold night was long and lonely.
The broken body was no longer able to carry the overly intense emotions. Lu Li pressed tightly against Song Rong’s neck, his body trembling silently, and finally hurriedly raised his hand to cover his lips.
The pale and slender fingers were suddenly stained with a glaring dark red color.
“It’s okay, just spit it out and it’ll be fine. It’s okay, it’s all over now…”
Lu Li’s body finally slumped down from exhaustion. Song Rong hugged him and caressed the still trembling back over and over again while clumsily repeating monotonous words of comfort.
The person in his arms gradually became quiet, so quiet that it frightened him. Carefully holding the person in his arms, Song Rong lowered his head and looked down. Only after confirming that Lu Li’s eyes still held the light of life did his heart feel at ease.
Su Shi closed his eyes and raised his hand to place it over his chest.
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The pain that felt like a stabbing knife gradually subsided, and the last bit of obsession in this body seemed to have been completely dissipated with that mouthful of blood.
“It’s not over yet.”
His eyes reopened, and the cold light returned to those eyes as they met the regent’s anxious gaze.
It was not over yet. He had yet to complete the final step. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, and this body had yet to return to the dust. He had yet to squeeze out every last bit of value of this life.
When he took over this body, he took over the responsibilities that came with it. He could not use this body to live as he wished. He could not be shaken by personal feelings. He could not fold just because he felt softhearted for a moment. He was not going to drag out this life beyond its original fate.
